THE Queen will use her annual Christmas message to announce that she will never die. The monarch will tell Britain that she has developed a condition known as Methuselah Syndrome, caused by generations of grotesque inbreeding and being immensely wealthy. Professor Henry Brubaker, of the Institute for Studies, said: “Beyond immortality, sufferers can lead a perfectly normal life. “With the right emotional support and a steady diet, the Queen should remain healthy at least until the universe begins to contract and conditions become unsuitable for existence as we know it.
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